Dearest Pre-Post-Terrestrial God Larvae:

You hear that? Yeah, that mechanical, whirring, wah-wah sound that bubbles up on just the other side of all that silence surrounding you? I hear it, too.

You know what that is, right? It's the Galactic Alarm Clock going off and it's already been snooze-bumped three times this morning. It's time to get up!!

And, if the alarm howling its insect-wolf noises into your brains is not enough evidence, then let's put our chubby eyes up into the heavens for a quick moment: On Monday we a had the birth of a new moon cycle and a total solar eclipse simultaneously to match it. This all on the day we rolled out our first round of COVID-19 vaccinations and the Electoral College once and for good put an end to the sound of your drunk uncle pantomiming a Political Science degree.

But that's just the fluffer part folks. Next week, for the Winter Solstice, we're going to see an incredibly rare conjunction of Saturn & Jupiter that many learned scholars are referring to as the War on Christmas Star. You can't buy marketing like that even if they were selling it (they are).

Now, I'm not saying that there are venal toad wizards pulling Rube Goldbergian levers from subterranean fluorite temples while chanting the Star Spangled Banner in pig latin backwards, but, if there were, this'd be a mighty busy week for those dudes. Mighty busy year.

Speaking of busy, holy rib roast have we been busy in our subterranean fluorite temple!

Today we begin delivering YES H&ND to our city accounts. YES H&ND is a 13% Peach Pecan Pie Ale that we made with our friends at Collective Arts. We wanted to make something as rich and enjoyable as our other pie beers (Tony's Humble Pie & Raimboberry Pie) and that would be seasonally relevant for all your socially awkward and painfully distant holiday benders near here upon us. The result, YES H&ND! We're real excited about this old boy and think it will be a perfect accompaniment to however you dim your lights this holiday season.

As I said, Chicago gets theirs allocations dropped today. West burbs are Thursday and Friday we're doing one of those unholy ALL HANDS ON DECK delivery days where we'll be doing North burbs, South burbs and Rockford. We want to make sure all you lovely creeps have as much access to this stuff as possible in the coming days.

And don't forget we have other poisons out on the market helping to swerve up your dog-walking routines. BLACK FANG is a 10% stout with Dark Matter Chocolate City coffee, cinnamon & cocoa. This year's batch of WAR ON XMAS is out there but is being gobbled up mighty fast, you best hurry if you haven't secured your WAR ON XMAS yet. If you're lucky, you might find some fresh JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICE and FRUIT CREEP as well. And GODDAMN! That DAGGER FLUTE is something special.

Don't forget all of those beers are available outside of Chicago in Utah, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia & Oregon. Tavour will be dropping some Black Fang as well very soon for those of you engaging with those lovely people.

Oh yeah, we're going to have a tap room open very early in 2021.

So, don't get COVID. Don't get arrested. Don't do anything that would keep your hind-quarters out of whatever cheap furniture falls off a truck and lands in our humble and eternal temple to the great Devil-Gods of Joy that we call our charming, little tap room.

Seriously, my evil-doing friends, there are so many exciting developments - some of which I have to keep to myself from talking about for the time being. And keeping my damn mouth shut is real challenge for me, so I'm trying to find new and inventive ways do that. Current methodology: Peanut Butter, Butter, Coconut Flour and just a little cough syrup for coloring. There's a nuanced synergy there that must be driven to be drove.

OH! It's the holidays, right? If you're doing the gift-giving thing and are spending money to do it, why not funnel that money over to your friendly neighborhood UFO Cult that is pretending to be a brewery? We've got tulip glasses, a few shirts left and some hoodies. You could really materialize the full articulation of your awesomehood by gifting out some of this flotsam and jetsam we have for sale.

And, if you don't want to spend your whole lotto ticket with us, might I recommend considering the purchase of a screen print or screen printed Christmas card from the sordid mind of Black Pisces Press? Black Pisces Press is the website for John Vernon Forbes, the brains behind Tijuana Hercules and the criminal in charge of more than a couple pieces of art at our new MIND CONTROL SUPER STORE OPENING IN EARLY 2021.

OK! We're almost through this wild year of Global Initiation and we think you're doing GREAT. Keep your act in Business Class just a little bit longer and we'll all live to lick doorknobs again very soon.