Earthly wishes of fortune and Joy to all of you bipedal creeps and cretins. We love you! We miss you! We strongly encourage you to STOP this great American scourge of 'Dry January' for the love of all that is unholy!

Seriously, DRY JANUARY? What kind of sick-o is willfully makes an effort to live in this world sober? What kind of perverse kink freak wants to view this careening marble of monkeys with dry eyes? And who can?

"Not you..." is my guess. Not you, dear friend. Let's stop the charades, let's end the pretending. In lieu of a "Dry January" might I suggest a "functional" lifestyle? Give it a thought. Put it in your blender. It mixes well with tequila and limes.

In service of our effort to support your honest navigation of this Foul Year of the Broken Word, 2022, we have a couple new offerings to help you numb the pain and excite your brain.

FNORD, our 7% American Wheat Ale, is back in the stacks after a couple years collecting it's thoughts. This delightful and deceptively boozy Wheat ale, is just the thing you need to scrape off the world from your nervous system. A simple beer with simple American hops, this beauty is actually a Beer and full of grains, yeasts, waters, hops and nothing else, just the way beer is supposed to be.

FNORD is hitting Chicago accounts today and Tuesday and then North, West & South burbs next week.

We've got 4-packs at the Lodge and we're tapping it tonight at opening along with a FNORD FIRKIN conditioned on pineapple, coconut, cherries and raspberries. The firkin will be available today through the weekend or until it's gone. These firkin Friday's are a new tradition we're going to be doing bi-weekly here in this The Year of the Poison Lizard, 2022.

Also, tapping today and available in 4-packs in the Lodge - and in the same cadence at bottle shops as FNORD - is a new stout that we've made with cocoa and "chocolate sandwich cookies" (as no one calls them except for people who don't want to get sued by Nabisco). NOOKIE CONSTER MOSH is 11% of our gooey base stout and the perfect beer to feed yourself on a lonely Friday night when the age old Ayurvedic trick of milk n' cookies just won't cut the mustard. And, let's be honest, the mustard is fuggin' hard, thick and a sickly shade of yellow these days, ain't it?

Speaking of cutting mustard and the word "mustard" and things that deceptively construct our realities that we take as much for granted as the air, the water, mustard and the socks we don day in and day out, I wanted to point your attention to William S. Burroughs theory of the cut-up. We used it on the label for NOOKIE CONSTER MOSH and offer a strong prescription for this method's application for any and all concerns of this world or of anything of a staid and stupid nature. When the world of your mind needs a nuclear douching, nothing does the trick like a run through The Cut-Up Machine.

Born of inspiration from the surrealists of the early 20th century and formalized by William S. Burroughs mentor and soul brother Brion Gysin, the basic idea is you take a text, any text, cut it up into individual words and rearrange them at random. What results is a kind of post-modern divination that can, at turns, be funny, confounding and chillingly prescient. What this method says about the human mind is far more interesting than your superstitious knee-jerk reaction to the word "divination" and far more subversive.

If you want to take a shot at this, take your latest poem, song, love letter or divorce filings and stick them in this handy, dandy on-line CUT-UP GENERATOR. Read through it, I mean really read through it and, well, learn to Trust nonsense. David Bowie used this technique through out his career on some of his best songs. And, let's be Honest Abe's here for a minute: if it was good enough for Bowie, it's more than ok for you or me.

Oh! Have you JOINED OUR CULT yet? Most cults have a bad reputation of usurping your will or your bank account or your ties to family members or normal society. Well, our little cult promises ALL of that and SO MUCH MORE!! You will not find a more efficiently bad-intentioned cult anywhere this side of the Manson/Nixon line. And we'll get you hammered. Just hit this link and get yourself signed up...