Oh, hi.

I didn't expect to see you here.

You look... radishing with that lampshade on your head.

Have I ever told you that I love you?

Tomorrow is the first St. Patrick's Day parade in Norwood Park in 3 years now. I think that's right? 2019 was the last one. And it's 2024 today. So, yeah, 3 years.

And I hear tell it's gonna be a bit nutty.

So, look, we're going to open at 9:30am tomorrow to accommodate what ever strange and disturbing practices you all pursue to celebrate the ghosts of your DNA. Ok? All we're asking from you in return is your money. And, just a little bit of decorum.

Is that too much to ask? I certainly don't think so. But, if you're the kind of person that wakes up at 9 in the morning, wipes the green barf from the side of your mouth and gets back at it again right away, all in the name of some country you've never visited and some saint whose biography you're a little fuzzy on, than you're probably also the kind of person who doesn't really care what I think. So, if that's you, you can go on to your next email and the rest of us civilized monkeys can discuss our plans for tomorrow.

Hell, what am I talking about? You're probably already knuckle deep into your second bottle of Basil Hayden's at this point and finding the act of reading more than a little bit challenging. Even more challenging than normally. So, go on now, get back to it. Me and the rest of the choir folk are gonna be chatting over here and only affording you a few sideward glances while we do it. It's all good, bro.

So, for the rest of you nice people. Let's talk.

We're opening at 9:30am tomorrow. There's already some very technologically impressive port-a-potties in the parking lot. And there's also going to be some plainclothed police milling about to deal with that other dude we just asked to leave. For the rest of you, we're going to have our regular portfolio of delicious draft beer and some $5 can specials. We're checking IDs at the door and will be issuing wristbands to all you fine people over the age of 21. If you're not 21 and are thinking you might make some great memories trying to drink illegally tomorrow, please make those memories somewhere else. Oh, and for tomorrow only, all the beer is being served in plastic cups because, apparently, the City of Chicago thinks - oh, wait, I'm sorry... knows - that you don't know how to act.

If you don't know already, IBW LODGE #1, has been strategically blessed by being at the tail-end of the parade. I mean, we're not the only people on the corner there, but, let's be honest, how many people are going to want to capstone their St. Patrick's Day parade festivities by doing a load of laundry and huffing slurpees at the 7-11? I mean, one or two of you probably, but the rest of you savages I'm sure are going to want to keep drinking. So, we're here for you. And, our good friends at WineStyles are also willing to deal with you - for a measured amount of time - in exchange for some cold, hard cash. Be nice to us. Be nice to WineStyles. Hell, be nice to each other. I mean, isn't that what St. Patrick was known for? Wasn't he the one that spoke to animals and is the patron saint of trapeze artists and ice cream men? So, come on. Naturally, good old St. Pat would want you to to be good to each other, being the animals that you all are.

While you're here yelling at each other about how much you love each other and how you can't stand that new guy at work, maybe you'll consider picking up some to-go beer as well? We've got a freshly packaged batch of ASTRONAUT JUICE and, I'm very excited to tell you, our newest in the line of SLUSHY THING seltzers... this one has strawberry, guava, pineapple and marshmallow in it. And, I'm gonna be straight with you for once, because I know you're already drunk enough to not remember this tomorrow, this is our best Slushy offering to date. Yes, even better than #2. This one is fantastic. AND, I have had first hand experience and can testify that SLUSHY THING V: THE GREATEST CHALLENGE is not only good for intoxicating you, it's also very good at curing the ensuing hang overs. So, when you over indulge tomorrow - and we all know you will - I strongly recommend grabbing 4 or 5 4-packs of SLUSHY THING V to help get your head straight before work on Monday.

For the rest of you nice folks that won't be ruining an otherwise lovely Sunday with binge drinking, you can get SLUSHY THING V, TRUST, and ASTRONAUT JUICE at any of the self-respecting bottle shops and liquor stores in the city and the suburbs you always can.

That's it for now. Any questions? Hit us up at info@ibw-chicago.com and we'll see you tomorrow!!