HELLO EARTHLINGS!!

I come to you today bearing great news: ORANGE SUNSHINE drops next week! While delayed this year due to our Global Initiation into Becoming a Galactic Species, it is now official... Spring is here!

And speaking of the Sun, today is the third new moon of this new post-COVID-19 world!

Other than being a fair method of monitoring progress, have you really spent much time thinking about what a "new moon" really is? Check it out:

So, there's a star.... WOAH. Wait a minute. Stop. Right. There. A fucking STAR?!

That's right, son... a star! A mass of burning gas SO VERY BRIGHT we can see it from... hold onto your tunics now... the closest star is 25,300,000,000,000 miles away. Holy crap.

But now, of these bodies of light burning luminous across expanses of space so large we can't even truly conceptualize, there's this One Star, so bright, so perfectly placed - about 93 million miles to be exact - that it can support a thriving ecosystem of mostly cooperative species through billions of years of life, evolution, exploration, science, time and, ultimately, even Death instead of irradiating them in a fraction of a fraction of an instant. If we were any closer at all to the Sun, we'd be burnt toast. Any further and the Snowpocalypse would be our spring break.

How crazy is that?

So, we've got this amazing, perfectly placed, truly magnificent Star. Right? Right. And then, you have our planet. So much in love, so much in awe, so dependent on that Star that it does nothing with its existence but circle that star over and over and over and over for... ever basically. On the planet there's some people and squirrels and tofu and monster trucks and stuff, but, as a whole, all our planet does is just circle this beautiful, entrancing Star, over and over for - for all intents and purposes - Eternity.

Now, in order to keep the squirrels and dogs and republicans from floating right off our planet into what we monkeys rather unimaginatively call "Space", somebody has got to keep this rock rotating at a strong enough clip to keep us pinned to terra firma. Or some wizard has to cook up some strange potion that invokes a terrible mountain god named Gravity and keep It appeased. Or something? Something. But whatever that thing is, it's just perfect enough to not only keep you from floating away, but it's delicate enough to not drive you down into the miles of rock and calcium and brimstone and mole people below us.

And as we circle the Sun in eternal devotion - or addiction, depending on what kind of mood you are in - there's this other rock that's stalking us. You know the one I'm talking about, right? That rock they named after Jack Parson's? That same rock they named in honor of, hands down, Pink Floyd's worst album ever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Moon, baby.

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And, as we circumscribe the Sun, dipping in and out of Day and Night as defined by how the Sun's light hits us, this other spiraling space rock catches the Sun when we're not using it and lovingly reflects it back onto us in a passionate pursuit of casting Shadow against all odds.

As we do this solar dance over and over, it just so happens that every 28 days the Earth directly lands positioned precisely between the Sun and the Moon and the whole planet, for just one night, rests, free of our life's star's fiery influence.

And we drift in the dark. Only to do it all again tomorrow.

So, anyway, today is the third new moon since the lockdown in the United States started. The third new moon that the whole world gets to experience together. Today.

Whenever I'm feeling short on perspective or light in the miracles department, I like to stop and think about where I am in "Space". Where our planet is. In fact, I do that 4 times a day, every day. Just for a couple minutes, I stop what I'm doing and think about where Earth is in it's rotation relative to the sun. It's humbling. And beautiful. And can sometimes help me keep from believing too hard in my own stupid hang ups. Sometimes.

There's this fun app that the Bride and I like to whip out some nights as we sit by the fire. The SkyView Lite app allows you to view known planets, stars and satellites and track their movements, conceptualizing their relationship to you and to one another. If you're having a hard time finding Sirius, it's even got a search function that will guide you to the exact right place in Outer Space, dog. What a world.

OH HEY! LUCKY DORR is opening back up today. Sort of. Niilo is there filling howlers with Junior Astronaut Juice. Go pick up one up. You can drink it and think about all the Holy Shit around us. Oh, and please tip Niilo embarrassingly aggressive when you go get your howler to day. That guy needs a haircut. Doors open at 4PM and I think they're shutting down around 7PM. So, don't daddle.

Like I said, Orange Sunshine drops next week. It goes out, along with a fresh batch of Fruit Slave, to the city on Tuesday, West burbs Wednesday, North burbs Thursday and South burbs Friday. Out-of-staters, keep your eyes peeled. You should have yours in another week and change.

Hey, everybody, WE LOVE YOU, so let's not screw this one up!

SPACE IS THE PLACE!!