See Your Shadow with Illuminated Brew Works

I was reading all the fake news this morning about that creep, varmint, Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow yesterday. My god, Virginia, who hasn't seen their shadow these past few months? On most days, my shadow is the only human I talk to anymore.

To maintain a shadow, we must also remain in light and 9 out of 10 evolutionary biologists agree that the best kind of light your bitcoin can buy is Illuminated Brew Works. See what I did there?

In an effort to fully articulate all the Yin parts of your consciousness', we here at the NEW AND IMPROVED Illuminated Brew Works have duly released, for the first time in 16oz cans, the fan favorite IF YOU'RE NOT INTO YOGA!

This 13% beauty is loaded up with pineapple puree and 6lbs of shaved coconut per barrel. I know, I know, the can says 3lbs of coconut per barrel, but, here at this poorly organized UFO Love Cult we call IBW, our proof-reading skills kind of suck and you just have to roll with us sometimes. Hey, we should totally roll sometime! Call me!

IF YOU'RE NOT INTO YOGA went out to city accounts yesterday, hits the West burbs today, North tomorrow and South burbs on Friday. Go get it, my little shadow children of the light! Indulge! Ingest! And enjoy with people you Trust!!!

There's also still some of our collaboration with Collective Arts, YES H&ND, out in the world. Another 13%er, this one is a peach pecan pie ale and is, dare I say, the greatest beer ever made in all of the crummy history of humankind.

We had our inspection with the state of Illinois for our NEW MIND CONTROL SUPER STORE opening in Norwood Park. We're hoping to be brewing out of there before the end of the month and we hope to be able to knock glasses with you in our fancy pants Tap Room by April... or whenever this god damned pandemic finally GTFO.

In the meantime, if you need to dress yourself or your pet lizard in the hottest streetware available, go check out our little web store front and buy some stuff.

Ok everybody. Hang tight!! Do what you have to do to get by, just do your best not to screw with anybody in the process. K? K.

XOXOXOXOXO!

Happy New Year from IBW!

Well... we're here.

In almost every timeline available, if you are reading this email, you have moved your meat vehicle through space and time into the construct we are currently pretending to be 2021 E.V.

All things being equal, that in itself deserves you a trophy, a momento of some sort, perhaps even a good, old-fashioned bender where, after several days erased from your memory bank, you wake up in your neighbors yard, both you and their dog is dry-shaved and freshly tattooed and no one around you is super comfortable making eye contact.

Congratulations, Seymour, you made it. Here's to hoping you'll take some of those hard won lessons from 2020 and apply them to the benefit of you and everyone else in the world.

And, be proud of your achievement, son, because, I am saddened to report, not everyone has made it across this arbitrary finish line in the future. So many friends and family fell along the way, but, as long as we continue to speak their names to the polluted winds, they will not be forgotten.

One light we lost, just last week, was the patriarch of our old production facility, the inimitable Heyu Kelley. If any of you have ever attended a bon fire at IBW, then it was Heyu you should thank for that. Frankly, every time an IBW beer crosses your lovely lips a prayer of gratitude should go out to the beautiful, complicated - and often cranky! - Heyu Kelley because, without his light in our lives, IBW would not exist.

And Heyu was a saint for a lot more people than just IBW. Heyu spent an immeasurable part of his bio-energy working to make Chicago, Burning Man and the whole damn world a lot weirder than it would have been without him. Heyu's commitment to Life and proper living was and will remain a wild inspiration to so many people. I plan to honor him every day for the rest of my life by not ever letting up on the levers of the Weird. And, because of Heyu, I know that I don't ever have to let up. Because of Heyu, I know that one person really can make a difference in other people's lives. Because of Heyu, I know that the world just isn't Weird enough yet. We can - and we will - push this spaceship even further. And, I for one among many thousands of people he touched, will do it with Heyu in my heart.

Godspeed Heyu and thanks for the laughs, my friend.

Heyu & Sarsan in the high, unholy WTF Reserve.

For the rest of us still here on Spaceship Earth, there is beer. Damn good beer. And we want to share it with you.

Right now, you can find a few of our little potions on the mean streets of Chicago, Detroit, Georgia, Utah, Arizona and Ohio. A few esteemed choices remain:

• YES H&ND - A 13% Peach Pecan Pie Ale made with our friends at Collective Arts.

• BLACK FANG - A 10% Stout with cocoa, Vietnamese cinnamon and Dark Matter "Chocolate City" cold brew.

• FRUIT CREEP - That 7.5% DDH DIPA that you would trade your little brother for.

• BRONY - That 8% DDH DIPA that your little brother would trade you for.

• TRUST - Our 6% Premium Lager that level sets your life.

• JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICE - The 6% sibling DDH IPA of everyone's favorite ASTRONAUT JUICE.

• DAGGER FLUTE - An old school IPA that you can stare at your cat through.

IF YOU'RE NOT INTO YOGA will be dropping later this month. This is the first time YOGA will be in 16oz cans. This 13% beauty is everything you wanted to be as a child; full of shaved coconut and fresh pineapple juice! Look for this in stores in a couple weeks. And stay tuned here, we'll keep you plugged in.

Our application is in with the state of Illinois for our NEW MIND CONTROL SUPER STORE opening in Norwood Park. We're hoping to be brewing out of there before the end of the month and we hope to be able to knock glasses with you in our MIND CONTROL SUPER STORE by April... or whenever this god damned pandemic finally GTFO.

In the meantime, if you need to dress yourself or your pet lizard in the hottest streetware available, go check out our little web store front and buy some stuff.

Ok everybody, let's do this thing! WE LOVE YOU HEYU KELLEY and miss the hell out of you already.

IBW & Collective Arts Release YES H&ND

Dearest Pre-Post-Terrestrial God Larvae:

You hear that? Yeah, that mechanical, whirring, wah-wah sound that bubbles up on just the other side of all that silence surrounding you? I hear it, too.

You know what that is, right? It's the Galactic Alarm Clock going off and it's already been snooze-bumped three times this morning. It's time to get up!!

And, if the alarm howling its insect-wolf noises into your brains is not enough evidence, then let's put our chubby eyes up into the heavens for a quick moment: On Monday we a had the birth of a new moon cycle and a total solar eclipse simultaneously to match it. This all on the day we rolled out our first round of COVID-19 vaccinations and the Electoral College once and for good put an end to the sound of your drunk uncle pantomiming a Political Science degree.

But that's just the fluffer part folks. Next week, for the Winter Solstice, we're going to see an incredibly rare conjunction of Saturn & Jupiter that many learned scholars are referring to as the War on Christmas Star. You can't buy marketing like that even if they were selling it (they are).

Now, I'm not saying that there are venal toad wizards pulling Rube Goldbergian levers from subterranean fluorite temples while chanting the Star Spangled Banner in pig latin backwards, but, if there were, this'd be a mighty busy week for those dudes. Mighty busy year.

Speaking of busy, holy rib roast have we been busy in our subterranean fluorite temple!

Today we begin delivering YES H&ND to our city accounts. YES H&ND is a 13% Peach Pecan Pie Ale that we made with our friends at Collective Arts. We wanted to make something as rich and enjoyable as our other pie beers (Tony's Humble Pie & Raimboberry Pie) and that would be seasonally relevant for all your socially awkward and painfully distant holiday benders near here upon us. The result, YES H&ND! We're real excited about this old boy and think it will be a perfect accompaniment to however you dim your lights this holiday season.

As I said, Chicago gets theirs allocations dropped today. West burbs are Thursday and Friday we're doing one of those unholy ALL HANDS ON DECK delivery days where we'll be doing North burbs, South burbs and Rockford. We want to make sure all you lovely creeps have as much access to this stuff as possible in the coming days.

And don't forget we have other poisons out on the market helping to swerve up your dog-walking routines. BLACK FANG is a 10% stout with Dark Matter Chocolate City coffee, cinnamon & cocoa. This year's batch of WAR ON XMAS is out there but is being gobbled up mighty fast, you best hurry if you haven't secured your WAR ON XMAS yet. If you're lucky, you might find some fresh JUNIOR ASTRONAUT JUICE and FRUIT CREEP as well. And GODDAMN! That DAGGER FLUTE is something special.

Don't forget all of those beers are available outside of Chicago in Utah, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia & Oregon. Tavour will be dropping some Black Fang as well very soon for those of you engaging with those lovely people.

Oh yeah, we're going to have a tap room open very early in 2021.

So, don't get COVID. Don't get arrested. Don't do anything that would keep your hind-quarters out of whatever cheap furniture falls off a truck and lands in our humble and eternal temple to the great Devil-Gods of Joy that we call our charming, little tap room.

Seriously, my evil-doing friends, there are so many exciting developments - some of which I have to keep to myself from talking about for the time being. And keeping my damn mouth shut is real challenge for me, so I'm trying to find new and inventive ways do that. Current methodology: Peanut Butter, Butter, Coconut Flour and just a little cough syrup for coloring. There's a nuanced synergy there that must be driven to be drove.

OH! It's the holidays, right? If you're doing the gift-giving thing and are spending money to do it, why not funnel that money over to your friendly neighborhood UFO Cult that is pretending to be a brewery? We've got tulip glasses, a few shirts left and some hoodies. You could really materialize the full articulation of your awesomehood by gifting out some of this flotsam and jetsam we have for sale.

And, if you don't want to spend your whole lotto ticket with us, might I recommend considering the purchase of a screen print or screen printed Christmas card from the sordid mind of Black Pisces Press? Black Pisces Press is the website for John Vernon Forbes, the brains behind Tijuana Hercules and the criminal in charge of more than a couple pieces of art at our new MIND CONTROL SUPER STORE OPENING IN EARLY 2021.

OK! We're almost through this wild year of Global Initiation and we think you're doing GREAT. Keep your act in Business Class just a little bit longer and we'll all live to lick doorknobs again very soon.

IBW in Forbes & on Star 96.7 Today!

Greetings Space People.

Real quick one today to let you know that our head brewer, Brian Buckman, was featured in a great article on candy beers today at Forbes.com

ALSO... He's going to be on Star 96.7 today around 4:30 to talk beers with professional wrestler, turned astronaut, turned radio DJ Eddie Volkmann. If you're not in Chicago, you can stream it at https://www.star967.net

Last and certainly not leaking, All Rise Brewing/Cobra Lounge has a pop-up bottle shop opening today in their Live Room and they're featuring your favorite UFO Cult cum International Beverage Front... US!. Isn't it funny how words change meaning and associations over time? Hmmph.

Lastly, as we descend deeper into the fall and this Presidential Mind Screw of 2020 please remember at all times that ideas, by their very nature, can not be stupid. Ideas only become stupid because of the people they inhabit and those people's interest in sharing them. 

OK! We are, as always, ABYSFULLY AWAKE (though sleepy today) and we hope you will join us soon....

IBW DEFEATS DEATH COMMEMORATIVE COINS!

We here at IBW International have exceptional news! And, like a virus or a chain letter - or, better yet, a good, old-fashioned pyramid scheme! -  we can hardly wait to share it with you!

It is our privilege and honor to announce that, as of today, October 9th, 2020, IBW has reached a state of unbridled perfection; the pinnacle of human aspiration.

We have become as gods.

We are like a poison toad cornered by the specter of it's own undoing, transforming and transcending the glacial peaks and darkest abysses of existence until, at last, we have become an ethereal and eternal being, enmeshed in the very air that every finite being breaths. We are thrilled to announce that:

IBW HAS DEFEATED DEATH!!

It hasn't been easy. It has tried the deepest reserves of our once limited continence. It has challenged our deepest held ideas of space, time and the role of humanity and human consciousness within the very fabric of the universe itself. But, alas, we did it.

And to commemorate this stellar achievement, we want to sell you something! We want to sell you a lot of things really, but, right now, we want to sell you this LIMITED EDITION COMMEMORATIVE COIN celebrating IBW's Defeat of Death. 

You can pre-order this newly minted coin through our website for only $99.90. But, you must ACT FAST, we are only making a limited number of these truly remarkable coins and they will not last long!

Featuring one of our most prominent cult members, Daniel Day Lewis, this LIMITED EDITION COMMEMORATIVE COIN can be yours for the LOW LOW PRICE of $99.90.

Mr. Lewis has been an inspiration to all of us here at the IBW compound with his uncanny ability to turn his nose up at the old, out-dated, ego-artifact that we call "Identity". Instead, Mr. Lewis embraces his true place in the universe as the ALL. Shedding and changing identities as the moment and the need demands it. Mr. Lewis is a beacon of light to all of us Light Seekers here at IBW and we can't wait to share his face with you.

This LIMITED EDITION COMMEMORATIVE COIN is made of about 80% post-user recycled copper and features this great year of our dark lord 2020 emblazoned upon it's frontispiece. It also features one of IBW's favorite mantras: "IN GOD WE TRUST (front)... THOUGH OUR CAMELS STAY TIED (back)".

We don't really know why it says "LIBERTY" on it... we had to rush this thing to minting and missed that during our proof read. Whatever, it's fine.

ANYWAY, get this LIMITED EDITION COMMEMORATIVE COIN now while supplies last!!! These beautiful pieces will not last long!

And, if you have any money left over after buying all of your friends & family commemorative coins - a truly hot piece of collector gold if there ever was one! - then you should make your next investment in FRUIT CREEP (formerly Fruit Slave) & BRONY which release to accounts starting today!

We've changed the label on the Brony can to make it clear we aren't selling My Little Pony branded beer and, frankly, we think this label is way better anyway. We had done a shout out to the Brony community in hopes of securing a real, honest-to-jah, Brony on the label, but, unfortunately, none of the photos that were submitted would have worked for hi-res can art. We're hoping to do something with the many great submissions we received, but we're not quite sure what just yet.

In the meantime, you'll have to drown your sorrows with the beer that's in the can (it's the same recipe you know and love!). It's a one-stop-shop of disappointment and all-resolving salve.

Jason is out doing city deliveries today and tomorrow. West burbs will get your beer on Friday. North is next Tuesday and South burbs are next Wednesday. Ohio should have their beer by Friday. Look for Michigan, Florida and Georgia mid to late week next. And everybody else, join TAVOUR as they'll be launching Fruit Creep very soon (their shipment goes out today!).

We're also super excited to announce our partnership with Shirts On Tap. Every month Shirts On Tap features a different brewery, it's members receive a one-off brewery shirt and coupon for that brewery's tap room (or in some cases, very soon-to-be tap room). Shirts On Tap is a great bunch of people and we loved working with them. We think you will, too.

You should definitely join Shirts On Tap and indulge in their great service, but, if you just want the fan-freaking-tastic shirt design they did for us, you can order the shirt and a hoodie off of our web store as of today. I promise!!! 

Pretty rad design, eh? Almost as cool as our LIMITED EDITION COMMEMORATIVE COIN!!!

Ok, you all know what to do, right? Then DO IT!!!

We are, as always, ABYSFULLY AWAKE and we hope you will join us soon....